


Dawn Of The Last Day

by CaptainEd1



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: All the dialogue is from the manga, Death, Erwin Smith - Freeform, Final Thoughts, Monologue, Of Wall Maria's Reconquest, Spoilers, The internal debate is not, heavy spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-20
Updated: 2017-03-20
Packaged: 2018-10-08 12:00:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10386186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainEd1/pseuds/CaptainEd1
Summary: Erwin's last thoughts.





	

**Author's Note:**

> In memory of Erwin Smith.

Who am I? What am I? Why am I? Death surround me, a loathsome companion from this murderous era.  

In an epiphany of silence, I realize the position I'm in. Ahead, titans. Behind, an army of men and women, thumping their chests for Humanity's Glory. In the middle, me, cowering from both.  

 _"Can you see... All our dead comrades around us? They're here, observing us, curious to see what their sacrifices served. Their fight is not over. Unless... They're childish illusions, who only exist in my head?"_  

   
 

 _"Kill your dream and gallop straight ahead to Hell,  with all the newbies. I'll kill the Bestial."_   

Deception. Guilt. Fear. I could not die like this. My life, my father, my dream, could I abandon them? Can I run to my death, can I charge and sacrifice a hundred lives, again, like I ruthlessly done before? 

  

The weight of their stares is weighing on me, paralyzing any thought and action. Everything seems slowed, in a latent death, a deadly waltz. 

  

Why me? I feel conflicted, torn by my ideal and justice. It has to be served.  

I'm not loved, I know; I decimated families, knowingly sacrificed many men for nothing, built myself to be a monster, pretending until my heart solidified, rigid as stone, building these unbreachable walls around me, my very own walls I thought no Titan could ever break. 

  

Alas, I was proved wrong. Even walls can be broken. That colossal strike shattered me. Have I been more exposed, never have I been so defenseless, have I been so human before, I would've known. I was nothing then and will be nothing soon. 

  

I'm scared. I'm scared. Humans naturally are, and sadly, I am one of those pitiful humans. For the Glory Of Humanity! For what I defend, for what I fought for, for everything, for the only shred of my humanity, I have to win, I have to fight.   

  

And kill a hundred soldiers with me. A massacre, a colossal death, a strike to Wall's Maria reconquest. I fought and I lost. It is said that many of my battles have ended in loss but none like this one, no failure has been such a strike. It was, not is, under me, laying here, and I can't touch it, will never see it, will never know. Why can't I abandon Humanity, abandon everything, and find my ultimate goal? Why should I be the one who has to bear this burden? 

  

I'm also a human! I have dreams, I have a will to fight, I can cry and I can shout, I have emotions! Stop staring down at me! I'm not a monster! Human human human, that's what I am! And if I wasn't here if I never did anything, we'd all be dead! I can be your absolute hatred, Humanity, but it's all for your good! Hate me, Humanity, hit me, Humanity, kill me, Humanity, as long as you don't kill yourself! 

  

These deaths, I feel them, I sense them, they surround me and make me mad, oozing hope and regret. 

I hate them, the soldiers, looking at me like I can change their deaths, change their cause and their choices. I'm standing on your sepultures, your corpses because it makes me taller, but the painful sounds of your crushed bones resonated in my ears for far too long. 

  

You, you are all the monsters here, not wanting to step outside walls, to see the world, cowering in your sheds like sheep, afraid and fueling my anger against my own race. Don't you want humanity to win this tremendous battle? Don't you want to live like humans again! In the end, aren't we worst than Titans? Has Humanity lost its humanity? 

   
 

  

My blood is thumping in my ears.  

Don't be so damn afraid, so damn disloyal and stupid. You know you gave me your life when you stayed there, hitting your chests, shouting with me, because we are one against the Titans, and you knew it. 

  

You all knew it, and yet you cry when your friend is eaten, crushed by these teeth. None of you are special, not all of you will win this fight. There must be deaths, there must be cries. I'm the conductor of this damn orchestra, and we shall all play our own damn instruments to win. You'll lose your friends, your comrades and your enemies in this cause. I lost my arm, I cried in pain, and yet I'm still standing here, with all of you, still shouting with all of you.  

These sounds are the music pumping in our veins, the hope fueling our dreams, the despair sinking our hearts. These sound are us, all of us, shouting for one thing! 

  

I have seen Hell, I have seen atrocities and often led them but yet, I'm still standing.  

Stand with my recruits, stand with me!   

In this fight, we shall win!  

In this exode, we shall travel!  

Those who stand with me hit your chests!  

Those who'll follow me to Hell, shout with me for our cry to reach Heaven!  

Those who shall kill, plunge your blades in my blood!  

Those who want glory, fight for me! 

Those who want Humanity's Victory, die with me!  

   
 

I smiled to Levi one last time before making up my decision.  

  

 _"Attention! Disperse! I will give you your very last instructions! In row! We will pursue an attack on the Bestial Titan! He shall then not forget to take us as target! We'll wait for the moment to all simultaneously launch our smoke signals... As to obstruct his visibility to then reduce the precision of his shots._  

 _Finality if the operation: let Corporal_ _Livaï_ _slide in his back for the kill!_  

 _There! You know everything!_  

 _Don't stay here waiting for rocks to fall on us, it does us no good!_  

 _So move! Execution!"_  

  

 _"We're all... we're all doomed, right?"_  

Yes, we are.  

 _"And if I understood, you're ordering us to die in battle, right?"_  

 _"_ _Yes._ _"_  

 _"But... Since we're_ _gonna_ _die anyway... Obeying you or doing an act of insubordination... It doesn't change anything, right? It has no sense..."_  

 

 _"You are completely right._  

 _"_ _It has no sense. Whatever your dreams and hopes are... As happy your existence is..._  

 _Whatever..._  

 _If is it by being shred by a rain of rocks or any other way..._  

 _A human being cannot escape Death._ _"_  

 

And something shifted. 

 

"Even though, can we consider your life is lacking any sense?   

Are you ready to admit your stay in this world never had any signification?  

And what is it of your dead Comrades? Is their existence also lacking any value?  

Well, no! It is our role to ensure that the deaths weren't vain!  

They were valorous soldiers! They knew a tragic end! And it's to us, who are still alive... to continue the fight!  

Like our successor's will... Once we too are dead!  

It's... the only way to rebel against this ruthless world!  

So shout soldiers!  

Roar soldiers!  

And fight... To the very end!  

Charge!"  

And I straddled to my death, to this world of blackness, to this eternal solitude, leaving a hundred, no, a thousand roaring soldiers behind me, all I can think of is that I'm glad to die outside, leading Humanity to its my last victory. 

We will win. 

We will- 

 

 


End file.
